You didn't used to do this before he died. You were so innocent back then, before everything fell down and changed you. But it's hard to live this tired, and drinking liquid silver makes it all go down easier. You sometimes think you're kinder this way, rounds off your edges, makes you more gentle. When you're dizzy and tickled with Bacchus, it's hard to hurt.
It reminds you of someone else, but you don't remember who.